Waste my ink you bastards!!!
Now I am sure that all of us have received some junk e-mails in the past. If not just wait your time is coming. Now I really don't care if they are there or not, an easy click on the mouse button (several actually to get them ALL) and they go away, doesn't cost me anything except some of my precious time. However this is to all those bastards out there sending junk faxes. GO FUCK YOURSELVES YOU INK EATING PIGS! Do these people realize that its a waste of ink on my part, and costs them nothing. They must know, unless of course they have or currently work for a major security company in this country. I am currently looking for a repeat button on my fax machine so I can reply to their so curtious fax with that of my own. Say a sheet of black, over about 100 pages long. I think I would be nice enough to follow through with a letter stating that everytime they send me a fax, they'll get this again until such time they leave me alone. Now if I could only do that with my junk e-mails, having them automatically print as soon as they are received.
Now a friend of mine who is a security officer in BC has been keeping everyone up to date about the 'interesting' people that he has to work with there. Go here if you care to read his stories Mundanevania. Now he has lead me to beleive that some people give the impression that he's just making the stories up to entertain everyone. OHHHHH how I wish this was true. Since I have been working in the security field for over 3 years now, trust me when I say that true idiots do make it into security companies employee lists all to frequently. The great think about Alberta is that here, there is absofuckinglutely no training required to get into security. Thats right folks, those people watching your multi-million dollar buildings during the wee hours of the morning are mostly likely a dumbass. I'd consider you lucky if the officer on duty acutally knows how to lock a door or turn a light switch on or off. Now if you think I am kidding, here's a conversation between a building controller and a security officer showing up for his first shift.
Officer: "Hallo, I'm here to work" (in very strong east indian accent)
Controller: "Ummmm ok, what kind of work are you here to do?"
Officer: "I'm here to work"
Controller: "Ya ok, but what work are you here to do?"
Officer: "I'm here to work"
Controller: "Yes I get that, but what kind of work are you here to do?"
Officer: "Ohhhhhhhh! I am security"
At this time the controller radioed the shift supervisor down to deal with this guy. Shortly later the supervisor sent the officer home, and called the company to send someone who can speak english, as he is going to have to work with the public in a mall.
Now to gripe about how hard working these officers are. In the buildings I used to work at, there are black strips about 3 inches long and a little under an inch wide ALL over the place. These are diester strips. Officers are required to carry around black wands with them when the mall is closed and swipe a strip every time they come across one of them. (Of course when you start there they don't tell you WHERE they are, you have to come to that knowledge on your own) If you don't get enough hits in on a shift you are supposed to get into shit for it. (Thankfully the supervisors are just as much slackers as the rest of us) Now to show how idiotic some people are. There are a few places in the buildings where 2 or more strips are fairly close to each other. One place in particular they are about 5' from each other. Now the system is set up so you can not swipe the same strip twice in a row. (Bet you know where this is heading) This one brilliant person would make himself the envy of the staff by getting the highest amount of hits in a single shift. If I remember correctly he got over 600, when most at the time were lucky to get 150. However this person forgot that when a print up is done, as it is at the end of every shift, that it reports the strips number, location (if put into the database) and time of the swipe. Apparently he stood at that ONE spot for over 4 hours hitting just those 2 strips. He didn't last much longer
Now I might still be working at that same site, and with the same company if I didn't receive my lucky break and got removed from site. Apparently someone made a complaint about me to the Life Safety and Security Supervisor (a pretty name for someone who didn't do anything). Now what did I do that was so horrendous that someone would have to go to such a high ranking person to place the complaint? Apparently I didn't smile enough.
I'm sorry you fat cow for not smiling at you at that point in time, I must not of been imagining the anvil falling from the roof and landing on you. I will try harder next time. Bitch.
Actually, I don't know exactly what was complained about me since I never did get to see that letter, although I asked for a copy multiple times. All I was ever told was that I didn't smile enough and seemed unsure of my job. A date was in question, and I informed my employer what had happened on that day. They did some work on the computer system that day, and when I came on shift my password didn't give me access to program access cards. I imediately told my supervisor and was told that they would have to wait until Monday. This complainee requested a card on this day, and I guess she didn't like being told to wait.
My punishment for such a crime? A week suspension pending termination. Yep they expected me to wait at home for a week to hear "You're fired" Not me sorry. I used that time to work for the company I am at now. Now the great part about this is, the person that suspended me, did so without even receiving a copy of the complaint himself! Yep, you read it right, he suspended on word of mouth. Now after the week was done and I went back to the orfice, he did make the comment that this should of been handled on site. (as in someone point a finger at me and say "bad officer, no doughnut") And that he did have another site for me to work at. Two days later I gave my notice. I was good enough to give them two whole weeks. And I was good enough to give back my uniforms without urinating on them beforehand. Ain't I such a swell fellow!
"My ex fiance and I broke up over religious reasons.... She thought she was god, and I didn't"
Now a friend of mine who is a security officer in BC has been keeping everyone up to date about the 'interesting' people that he has to work with there. Go here if you care to read his stories Mundanevania. Now he has lead me to beleive that some people give the impression that he's just making the stories up to entertain everyone. OHHHHH how I wish this was true. Since I have been working in the security field for over 3 years now, trust me when I say that true idiots do make it into security companies employee lists all to frequently. The great think about Alberta is that here, there is absofuckinglutely no training required to get into security. Thats right folks, those people watching your multi-million dollar buildings during the wee hours of the morning are mostly likely a dumbass. I'd consider you lucky if the officer on duty acutally knows how to lock a door or turn a light switch on or off. Now if you think I am kidding, here's a conversation between a building controller and a security officer showing up for his first shift.
Officer: "Hallo, I'm here to work" (in very strong east indian accent)
Controller: "Ummmm ok, what kind of work are you here to do?"
Officer: "I'm here to work"
Controller: "Ya ok, but what work are you here to do?"
Officer: "I'm here to work"
Controller: "Yes I get that, but what kind of work are you here to do?"
Officer: "Ohhhhhhhh! I am security"
At this time the controller radioed the shift supervisor down to deal with this guy. Shortly later the supervisor sent the officer home, and called the company to send someone who can speak english, as he is going to have to work with the public in a mall.
Now to gripe about how hard working these officers are. In the buildings I used to work at, there are black strips about 3 inches long and a little under an inch wide ALL over the place. These are diester strips. Officers are required to carry around black wands with them when the mall is closed and swipe a strip every time they come across one of them. (Of course when you start there they don't tell you WHERE they are, you have to come to that knowledge on your own) If you don't get enough hits in on a shift you are supposed to get into shit for it. (Thankfully the supervisors are just as much slackers as the rest of us) Now to show how idiotic some people are. There are a few places in the buildings where 2 or more strips are fairly close to each other. One place in particular they are about 5' from each other. Now the system is set up so you can not swipe the same strip twice in a row. (Bet you know where this is heading) This one brilliant person would make himself the envy of the staff by getting the highest amount of hits in a single shift. If I remember correctly he got over 600, when most at the time were lucky to get 150. However this person forgot that when a print up is done, as it is at the end of every shift, that it reports the strips number, location (if put into the database) and time of the swipe. Apparently he stood at that ONE spot for over 4 hours hitting just those 2 strips. He didn't last much longer
Now I might still be working at that same site, and with the same company if I didn't receive my lucky break and got removed from site. Apparently someone made a complaint about me to the Life Safety and Security Supervisor (a pretty name for someone who didn't do anything). Now what did I do that was so horrendous that someone would have to go to such a high ranking person to place the complaint? Apparently I didn't smile enough.
I'm sorry you fat cow for not smiling at you at that point in time, I must not of been imagining the anvil falling from the roof and landing on you. I will try harder next time. Bitch.
Actually, I don't know exactly what was complained about me since I never did get to see that letter, although I asked for a copy multiple times. All I was ever told was that I didn't smile enough and seemed unsure of my job. A date was in question, and I informed my employer what had happened on that day. They did some work on the computer system that day, and when I came on shift my password didn't give me access to program access cards. I imediately told my supervisor and was told that they would have to wait until Monday. This complainee requested a card on this day, and I guess she didn't like being told to wait.
My punishment for such a crime? A week suspension pending termination. Yep they expected me to wait at home for a week to hear "You're fired" Not me sorry. I used that time to work for the company I am at now. Now the great part about this is, the person that suspended me, did so without even receiving a copy of the complaint himself! Yep, you read it right, he suspended on word of mouth. Now after the week was done and I went back to the orfice, he did make the comment that this should of been handled on site. (as in someone point a finger at me and say "bad officer, no doughnut") And that he did have another site for me to work at. Two days later I gave my notice. I was good enough to give them two whole weeks. And I was good enough to give back my uniforms without urinating on them beforehand. Ain't I such a swell fellow!
"My ex fiance and I broke up over religious reasons.... She thought she was god, and I didn't"
posted by Jovknee at 4:58 AM
3 Comments:
Man, can you believe that shit?! That happened to me at my first job there if you remember, and everyone wants me to move BACK, jesus lol
Back in the day when I got my first FAX/modem, in 1991, that's exactly what I used to do. I made up a .FAX file that was a black page, and could send 99 copies to a fax spammer.
Of course, nowadays I support B.C.'s soft lumber industry so let the paper fly!
And any spammer will of course be using a fax/modem, so they'll just receive a tiny little file (assuming they're even set to receive) and that'll be that. Bah
Ah, the wand system. Here (well, not on my site, but on others I've done) we tend to use the system that has little metal discs about the size of a watch battery in strategic places, which we tap with a pipe.
The guy who originally trained me for the site I've been on for the past year worked at a college under a buddy of mine. When my buddy was dumping the log from the pipe, he found that the silly bunt had tapped one, and his next hit was the same spot, 2.5 hours later. He'd gone for a nap in the teacher's lounge, and told us for exactly how long. Sigh
Well I fully admit that I am lazy often, and there were a few times when I was glad that I didn't carry the wand around. They had a tendacy to get dropped and break (none ever by my hands however) I do know they can save the officers ass at times, like they did with me. There was a window break in the mall and they were screaming where were the officers. I at the time did have a wand and it showed that I was in the tower at the time of the damage. My partner however was not so lucky, he 'missed' making some hits for about a 30 min period during the time of the window break
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